how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
