16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
