So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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