So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
