dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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