his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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