I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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