wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
