she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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