trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
