why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
