dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Let's get the cat blown out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
