Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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