A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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