You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Small penises have feelings too.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
