isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
