Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
