The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize