census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
