she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think my moral compass just broke
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