So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize