I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have post one night stand depression
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