At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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