Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
