Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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