dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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