I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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