Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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