Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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