For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Panties = found
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
