Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize