I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
