I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
