i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
