i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We are two peas in an std pod
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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