So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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