After last night, I could never be a politician.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
