hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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