actually, I'm a sock model
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
