i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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