I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
