We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
