You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
