I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
