I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
