i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize