Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
