is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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