While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize