Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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