my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize