Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I understand Curling. That high.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
