I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i believe in u and ur pee
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