good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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