ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
