he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
