dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
