you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
