i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize