just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
