At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
