If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
