Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
